Clear as water

In the past, I always thought I have no time left to waste so I have to do the things I always plan to do. I always have plans, like what should I do after I graduate and so on. In all those plans having a family of my own never crossed my mind. However, due to some turn out of events I now have two kids and a husband. I don't really blame it on anyone but myself, since I was overwhelmed with something really new to me that time and never thought that I'll be drowned in it and never been able to pull myself back up again. Eventhough I sound depressed over this reality, I am happy. I may not have the kind of freedom I planned before but where I am now is not at all bad and could be far better than where I was before. I am happy because the feeling of emptiness has been filled inside me without me doing anything since someone filled it up for me. No matter how many trials may befall on us, we undergone each and everything and be even thankful since those just made us tougher and stronger.

Repetere

The black veil covers the horizon quietly unfolding the next sunrise. I am once again to experience the same ride for five days. Waking up with empty thoughts as my feet drags me to where I'll be for more than half the day. It's the same every single day.
Someone will ask what can I do to enjoy the time as it passes by. I think I did enough to let time pass unnoticed. But I do not have much time anymore...

I kept waiting
And waiting
Until such time I can start making my dreams materialize
Until then
Will keep waiting
Keep on repeating every single day
Wasting time as it draws to an end for me.

Aura

I woke up early this morning and have realized how did I turn out to admire a certain person. Recalling how he walks, how he preaches and how he says what is in his mind simply amazes me and I thought how does he do it? Is it something I can learn? Do I need to read plenty of books to level myself to his way of speaking? Do I need to reimage my style to get the same impact he has to his people? Do I have to always think differently to have the same thinking like him?

Then a sudden blow came. Am I challenging myself to be at his level when it was a year ago that I've decided that I'll just be working and that's it, no extra show off, no extra efforts, nothing. An old picture of myself would give a hint that I was about to be someone who did all she wanted in life but due to some wrong decisions the outcome is I am now limited to what I aspire to be. The question is do we really have to limit ourselves when we are surrounded by responsibilities? Do we always think of others instead of our needs? Why didn't I try harder?

As I write this I am getting upset over the fact that my weakness is choosing the wrong decisions. It can start from what should I wear today? I'll always wear something average instead of something my position will be justified. Disappointed why I realized history repeats itself, I've been through this before and it seems like I won't change or maybe I will.

I'm once again challenging myself to reawaken, stop being the average, be someone you won't regret and start to inspire others like what this person did to me.

Halcyon

For several years I am still working but not with a job I dreamed to have. Looking back I was planning something blindfolded with no clear direction. It is a lesson learned now and all I can do is to share it with people who are in front of a turning point.
It's a fact that I still wish to make my father proud, I was successfull in getting his trust and confidence in me before but only to burn them with my own hands afterwards.
Maybe now it may be too late to make up for it. I am not getting any younger and my father's time here is getting shorter as well.
No matter how I try to release myself from my state now there's no way this world of reality will bend and turn things around changing to a parallel universe.
How many years do I have left?
Do I still have a chance?
I wonder what happened to the girl who always looks up at the blue sky, full of hopes... full of wishes.
All I can see is a girl who do not even have time to appreciate her surroundings, not even glancing. Her head is full of worry, full of things she have to do and full of regrets.
Smiling to cover up her true state, she's surprisingly good at it that nobody ever notices not even once.

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