For those who are not into anime you have to check this one out and I believe that you will have a change of heart and will definitely like this one. Lovely Complex is a manga series by Aya Nakahara and was animated into 24 episodes. The title says what the leading characters main issue is about.
"The girl, Risa Koizumi, is 172 centimetres (5 ft 8 in) tall—much taller than the average Japanese girl. The boy, Atsushi Ōtani, is 156 cm (5 ft 1 in)—way below the height of the average Japanese boy. Because of this, they are called the "All Hanshin Kyojin" after a popular comedy duo that has a similar height difference." (LoveCom-Wikipedia)
What made me really like this anime is that it is not corny, I can relate to the love story, their comedy made me laugh and the drama made me cry. Unlike other animes which has drama, their drama is not something too pushy just to make a drama out of it. I love anime but not every single anime, I pick which one is the best for me. Honestly, I don't like drama animes or those which are too dramatic just for the heck of making the audience cry, I'd rather prefer animes which are really funny and has the right amount of drama when the right situation arises that's why this anime bewitched me. I already lost count as to how many times I watched this anime over and over again just to cheer me up. Whenever I feel down, I just open up my PC and play my Lovely Complex DVD then I feel alright again.
Even so, just like the other critics, I too have something to say about it. I think it would be better if Risa tried to forget her love for Otani after the first rejection, I mean she was rejected twice, how awful is that? The first rejection really made me cry but I also cried on the second time. But Otani rejecting Risa is not surprising anymore because in my own opinion, I too think that she will be rejected since Otani doesn't show any interest in her. But they can still be friends with their comedic acts together but I'd like to see a guy who would seriously fall in love with Risa and go after her in front of Otani. Yeah, there's Haruka, a handsome guy who is a childhood friend of Risa but I didn't like it when he confesses to Risa but went out with several girls saying that he is trying to practice to prepare himself when Risa becomes his girlfriend in the future. I mean, he should've gone after her right away instead, but of course the fact that he only see Risa as his "hero" merely means that he looks up to Risa as someone great and not as a girl. And also there's Maity Sensei, Risa's crush after her failure to capture Otani's heart despite doing the best she can. But he's not really in love with Risa, he was just helping her as a sensei (teacher). Anyways, if there's indeed such a character who would seriously fall in love with Risa, I think the love story would be more exciting. I mean, Risa is always with Otani or with their group of friends like Nobu-chan, Chiharu-chan and their boyfriends. But if that guy will pursue Risa, I'd like to think that he will be very persistent and serious, also very goodlooking and taller than Risa, then I think she will try to go out with him even just to try to heal her broken heart. With this Risa will no longer hang out with Otani or her friends as much as before and Otani will realize the loneliness of her absence. I'd like to see how Otani regrets his decision of rejecting Risa. That was really mean, I know he doesn't stand for half heartedness but still he could've tried to atleast go out with her since they are so close already. But of course, the leading couple should be together, so Risa will eventually break up with the guy and return to her friends and back to being with Otani. This time she will no longer try to get Otani's love again but instead Otani will see her as a girl after seeing her act like a girlfriend when she was still going out with that guy. Anyways, this is just my "what if's" and nothing more. I still like Lovely Complex the way the author did it and I enjoyed it a lot. Peace! ^_^
Friday, July 2, 2010
No one knows what will happen in the future...
Last Wednesday, 30th of June, we visited one of my aunts. We were having trouble with sprits which dwells at my mother’s place so we asked our aunt if she knows someone who can expel those entities. Fortunately she knows a neighbour who can do that. The lady came and after she advised us what to buy for the ritual to be done on Friday, I unexpectedly had my palm read, meaning I was given a palm reading. My mother is busy chatting with her brother and my aunt while my father is busy looking after my kids while we three sisters gathered around the palm reader.
My sister went ahead of me first and I listened to her reading eagerly butting in some jokes once in a while. So when my turn came I felt tensed but excited. Of all the things she told me, something hit me badly and that is my husband might have an affair, it can be during now or his next ship. He’s now a seaman and he became that despite of not going to college but he’s undergone a lot of trainings which my family literally is the financer. In my previous blog, I think I have mentioned about our story. What makes me infuriated is if that is going to happen, I mean, how dare he would think of even doing something like that when I chose him over my family, my bright future, gave up my everything for him and even undergone all the hardships which I’ve never experienced living with my parents but with him. So the lady said I should take care of myself more, go on a diet and make myself beautiful. She said that there is a possibility that if I will not do that, my husband will find someone better than me, well in terms of looks that is. As painful as it gets, she said when that happens I will swallow my pride and still accept him in order to keep my family intact.
I was in shock and almost cried. I could feel my face is burning that I’m about to burst in tears. I realized at that time that no matter what I did to fight for our love against my parents back then, no matter how I tried to understand his shortcomings, no matter how I struggle to go to work on a graveyard shift, no matter how stressful my job was and no matter how I changed for him, there is still that fact that there are more girls out there who can still surpass me even if it’s only in terms of outer appearance. Then I thought, if in case he did that, even if he didn’t tell me I will know it, talk about a woman’s intuition. And when that happens, he will no longer have a home to return to, he will not even see his children his entire life and I will work hard to surpass whoever he replaced me with. And in terms of getting what he deserve, I will hold on to his seaman documents to make sure he never embark a ship again, why? Why not? My family financed all his trainings so I will not let them get a smooth life, let them sunk into poverty just like when we were just starting our lives together. Whoever that woman is she just hooked up with my husband because he’s a seaman, but she will never be with him if he has absolutely nothing. Compared to me, I was with him through the storms we’ve gone thru when he’s nothing but a jobless man but still I loved him with all my heart and worked my butt off for our family to stay alive. I also thought that starting from now I will save up as much as I can, no matter how little his salary for the meantime, I will try my best to save up money. The lady said that his money will be my weapon, of course I will not give it back to him, if he wants it then he has to compensate for the damages he’s done with my life, give me back my bright future, my car, my luxury, everything that I lost, and all the money I spent for him, well as if he can give me back all of those, of course not, so he can’t have his money. Even if he say that it’s his money, then I will demand my money then from him, the money I earned for the 6 years working in the call center industry, he can check all my payslips to sum up every centavo, but of course, even with all his saved money, my salary over the 6 years of work is way too big to compare to his.
After the visit, we got home around 7 pm and I still have a hung over with what the lady have told me. I cried, I cried a lot, it is dreadfully painful if he would have an affair behind my back. Just the thought of it my chest hurts and tears are falling uncontrollably. I was awake crying until 3 in the morning the next day. When I woke up, my eyes are bloated. But even the next day, whenever I recall it I still can’t help myself but to cry. I am the worst, when I try to recall back, I should’ve taken care of myself better. I am so hard working that I didn’t care how I look, and eventually I have forgotten about myself. I recall my husband asking me to wear proper clothes and fix myself a little whenever I prepare myself for work. I did try but I have gained weight already since I didn’t take notice of it until my clothes won’t fit anymore. So after so much thinking, I guess I could also blame myself if he will betray me.
But I thought fortune telling is just a guide, not necessarily the reality, whatever’s going to happen in the future is up to us and no one knows what is exactly is going to happen. For now, our relationship is still okay, I trust my husband and I could not imagine him cheating on me. So I have time to prepare myself for his return. Actually, I have already started to lose weight even before the palm reading happened. But thanks to that, I am more serious now and started doing everything I can to make myself prettier and I’m getting great results. I already told him over the phone before that I will go on a diet before he returns. He’s fine with it but he’s worried, he thought that I might not eat enough and get sick. Even so, when he returns I will make sure that I will surprise him. Still I pray to God to please not to let temptation win over him now or in the future and I will do the best I can to remain his only woman.
My sister went ahead of me first and I listened to her reading eagerly butting in some jokes once in a while. So when my turn came I felt tensed but excited. Of all the things she told me, something hit me badly and that is my husband might have an affair, it can be during now or his next ship. He’s now a seaman and he became that despite of not going to college but he’s undergone a lot of trainings which my family literally is the financer. In my previous blog, I think I have mentioned about our story. What makes me infuriated is if that is going to happen, I mean, how dare he would think of even doing something like that when I chose him over my family, my bright future, gave up my everything for him and even undergone all the hardships which I’ve never experienced living with my parents but with him. So the lady said I should take care of myself more, go on a diet and make myself beautiful. She said that there is a possibility that if I will not do that, my husband will find someone better than me, well in terms of looks that is. As painful as it gets, she said when that happens I will swallow my pride and still accept him in order to keep my family intact.
I was in shock and almost cried. I could feel my face is burning that I’m about to burst in tears. I realized at that time that no matter what I did to fight for our love against my parents back then, no matter how I tried to understand his shortcomings, no matter how I struggle to go to work on a graveyard shift, no matter how stressful my job was and no matter how I changed for him, there is still that fact that there are more girls out there who can still surpass me even if it’s only in terms of outer appearance. Then I thought, if in case he did that, even if he didn’t tell me I will know it, talk about a woman’s intuition. And when that happens, he will no longer have a home to return to, he will not even see his children his entire life and I will work hard to surpass whoever he replaced me with. And in terms of getting what he deserve, I will hold on to his seaman documents to make sure he never embark a ship again, why? Why not? My family financed all his trainings so I will not let them get a smooth life, let them sunk into poverty just like when we were just starting our lives together. Whoever that woman is she just hooked up with my husband because he’s a seaman, but she will never be with him if he has absolutely nothing. Compared to me, I was with him through the storms we’ve gone thru when he’s nothing but a jobless man but still I loved him with all my heart and worked my butt off for our family to stay alive. I also thought that starting from now I will save up as much as I can, no matter how little his salary for the meantime, I will try my best to save up money. The lady said that his money will be my weapon, of course I will not give it back to him, if he wants it then he has to compensate for the damages he’s done with my life, give me back my bright future, my car, my luxury, everything that I lost, and all the money I spent for him, well as if he can give me back all of those, of course not, so he can’t have his money. Even if he say that it’s his money, then I will demand my money then from him, the money I earned for the 6 years working in the call center industry, he can check all my payslips to sum up every centavo, but of course, even with all his saved money, my salary over the 6 years of work is way too big to compare to his.
After the visit, we got home around 7 pm and I still have a hung over with what the lady have told me. I cried, I cried a lot, it is dreadfully painful if he would have an affair behind my back. Just the thought of it my chest hurts and tears are falling uncontrollably. I was awake crying until 3 in the morning the next day. When I woke up, my eyes are bloated. But even the next day, whenever I recall it I still can’t help myself but to cry. I am the worst, when I try to recall back, I should’ve taken care of myself better. I am so hard working that I didn’t care how I look, and eventually I have forgotten about myself. I recall my husband asking me to wear proper clothes and fix myself a little whenever I prepare myself for work. I did try but I have gained weight already since I didn’t take notice of it until my clothes won’t fit anymore. So after so much thinking, I guess I could also blame myself if he will betray me.
But I thought fortune telling is just a guide, not necessarily the reality, whatever’s going to happen in the future is up to us and no one knows what is exactly is going to happen. For now, our relationship is still okay, I trust my husband and I could not imagine him cheating on me. So I have time to prepare myself for his return. Actually, I have already started to lose weight even before the palm reading happened. But thanks to that, I am more serious now and started doing everything I can to make myself prettier and I’m getting great results. I already told him over the phone before that I will go on a diet before he returns. He’s fine with it but he’s worried, he thought that I might not eat enough and get sick. Even so, when he returns I will make sure that I will surprise him. Still I pray to God to please not to let temptation win over him now or in the future and I will do the best I can to remain his only woman.
Friday, June 4, 2010
A Glance in My Life
I was born on the 26th of December 1981 and grew up in an urban community called Del Pan, Binondo Manila. Then after my graduation in 6th grade at Pedro Guevarra Elem. School in San Nicolas Binondo, Manila, we moved to a 9 hour drive by bus in a province called San Fernando, La Union up north Luzon. I studied at a chinese school and did some extra curricular activities there, specifically folk dancing both filipino and chinese folk dances. I even joined a beauty contest held in our school entitled Ms. United Nations and danced my way to get the 1st place, lucky me! I wore an arabian costume and swallowed my pride to show my baby fats, LOL. Anyways, after spending 2 years there, we moved back to Manila and I was enrolled in an all-girls school despite my protests, it was the Colegio de Sta. Rosa school located in Intramuros. Since, I suffered from severe depression, LOL, I didn't really enjoy the first year I was studying there. I had so many issues, like inferiority complex, preferring to be quiet rather than speaking my thoughts out and enjoying my high school life. Anyway, my talent in drawing was unexpectedly discovered when our teacher asked us to draw a family tree. I guess I overdid it and they were amazed and some laughed at it but still I was appointed to be the next layout artist of our News Mag La Rosette which I never expected. I was even congratulated by the previous layout artist and one of my classmates, I'm kinda feel sorry for her though. From there, I was asked to join different drawing contests outside the school. I got myself really busy especially when we have occasions or programs held in the school. I remember making props staying at school until late at night and even coming to school during weekends to get things done. I even remember one of the school's maintenance personnel throwing our props the night before the program thinking we will not be using them anymore since they were all just lying around the stage, >_< ! Luckily I got my father to help me remake all of them and we made it just on time. I also was appointed to be the lay-out artist of our own yearbook before graduation and with the help of some of the appointed staff of the yearbook, we were able to finish it somehow. But after those sweat and dramas, I managed to get myself a service medal award when I graduated high school there.
Since we bought our own house (we were renting since we moved to La Union by the way) and we’re moving to Dasmariñas, Cavite, I decided to enroll myself at De La Salle University Dasma. Even though my uncle tried to get me an application at PLM (Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila) back in Intramuros with his chosen course for me, Architecture (Like hello?! I despised math all my life!) I was not serious about it. Anyway, I just took the entrance exam there just to say that I took the exam already, I have a cold back then that I don't care whether I was conscious of what I was doing or not. I didn't check the results as well, I already have the feeling that I didn't pass, like I intended to pass that in the first place. So going back to my own choice of university, I did my best to pass the exam and I was overwhelmed when I got the acceptance letter from them. However, they don't have fine arts or anything that will help me improve my talent in drawing. So I thought, I'll just get a course without any math subjects in it, so I thought to get AB Psychology, and I thought as well that it deals with the paranormal that I'm also interested about. But when the school started, all my hopes were all drained in an instant, T_T. On our first sem we have College Algebra which is a prerequisite of Elementary Statistics which is a prerequisite of my major Behavioral Statistics. Then about paranormal thingy, not a pinch about it was discussed during my four years of studying there, LOL. Alright, I know, I'm an idiot, LOL. But I got through those four years without any fail subjects even math! LOL. So I guess it was all good.
So moving on, after graduation my father took me to Thailand and worked with him as a Footwear Designer, LOL, waaaay too far from my graduate course, right? But since I got so homesick and my father can’t deal with me, we went back home and he left me behind and somehow shattered his dream for me to follow his footsteps. During this time I met my now husband, Florencio Marasigan II. He was staying at the house in front of us, the house of her eldest sister, since he’s working as an Assistant Supervisor in a restaurant in Malate, Manila. Their parents live in Tagaytay, a place where I dreamed to live at in the future back then. My mother was very fond of him that he’s allowed to stay overnight at our place and during this time our relationship deepened. When we were invited to one of his sister’s birthday party held in their home residence, Tagaytay, mother saw what kind of life they have. His parents get their living from growing crops and selling them at a market nearby. Their actual house is half unfinished, meaning it’s not yet done, like hollow blocks walls, roof without a ceiling and floor without tiles. They also have a small cottage down the side of the mountain, yes, tagaytay is actually a high place, ranges of mountains surrounding the inactive Taal Volcano, so houses are usually built along the steep side of the mountains but there are residences which are built in plains thanks to the developers. Well since my mother knows about their background already, she began to put a distance in between our relationship. When something happened between us, you know what lovers do, Flory (his nickname and that’s what I call him) told my mom about it thinking that it will be alright no matter how I oppose. But since then my life became hell because my mother got mad at me. I can’t go out my room to eat, I enjoy myself with some biscuits I stock inside my room, I just sneak out from time to time to get water, to use the bathroom but whenever I get caught by my mother, I get atleast four hours of repeated scolding and swear words from her. It was really entirely my fault but I can never get my life back to the way it was and I thought that no one can really help me because even though Flory's sisters came to my rescue, my mother would be nice in front of them but when they're gone already, it's just back to the hell it was. After a lot happened, I’m at my limit already, my mother even thought I was pregnant and took me to the hospital to get a check up and to get an abortion too but the doctor said it was too early to know yet. When I got my period I was relieved and unhappy about it as well. When everything is just too much for me I secretly emailed my father who was working in China that time and told him what was going on inside the house. So when he returned he took me with him back to China and I left Flory even though I didn't like to leave. After a while I found out that it was really a plan to separate us two. After a few months, I persistently asked my father to let me go home, since I can’t get a job in China anyway, though that’s not the main reason. The actual reason is my mother is bugging Flory with threatening text messages trying to make him break up with me, saying that I will not have a bright future with him and that he should forget about me. I was upset when I learned about that from the email I received from Flory thru his sister's email address. I was stubborn that time so when I got back I planned not to go home anymore instead I told Flory to come pick me up at the airport. In simple terms, we eloped and I made my parents infuriated, in a level you can’t even imagine. I was only left with a few clothes since my mother came to take almost all my baggages, even the things I bought for Flory were all taken, that was a terrible night and I learned that my father was even hospitalized because of what I did. I realized the big difference between my status with Flory's. I no longer have a car, I can't eat when I want to, I can't buy anything that I want, in short, I've become poor and deprived of materials things that I used to have. I even heard that my mother has given away my things at home and also sold the car I used to drive. I finally understood the hardships of life that I never experienced living with my parents. Reflecting on that now, obviously I was at the wrong side. But I also wished that I could've talked to my mother about my relationship with Flory maturely instead of avoiding her. Maybe I can still be able to fulfill their expectations from me while keeping my relationship with Flory. But I guess all that's left were regrets and whenever I recall this major turning point in my life, my chest hurts and I burst into tears.
After about 2 years living with my live-in partner Flory, my father managed to reconcile us with my mother after secretly meeting with him several times before, I’m a daddy’s girl I guess, LOL, love you Pa! I finally got into good terms with my mom and she looked for a place for us to stay back in Dasmariñas when our relationship with Flory’s family was not going well anymore. So we moved back to Dasmariñas, near my parent’s place. My mother even bought us things like kitchen wares, grocery, even an aircon and a lot more, since we really don’t own anything. I already have my first child that time and plus it’s a boy, my parents didn’t have any boys, the three of us were all girls, I’m the eldest. I guess my mother was really fond of her white skinned good looking grandson that I can finally talk to her casually like before, ^_^. But what I did is still something that she won't forget. When I returned to my parents house, I noticed there were no pictures of myself already. I can find some of my things, but my sisters kept them inside their room as if they own them. My mother kept my class cards in college and TOR inside her locked closet because she thought I could never get a job without those, because she doesn't want Flory's family to take advantage of me. I also dealt with my sister, the 2nd, next to me. She's still mad at me at first but my mother reconciled us after a while.
Since the construction job that Flory has is not enough to support our family, I convinced him to let me work in his stead. So I began working in a call center in Alabang. I took care of all the requirements myself, renewing my NBI, getting SSS, and visiting my university to get another copy of my TOR. I started working as an agent then luckily was promoted to a Team Leader afterwards. I worked in the call center industry for almost 6 years, from three different BPO companies. During this time, my husband started training in TESDA taking up welding courses but not long after he took up courses for seaman. The financing came from my mother, well most of it, since I can't fully support him because I also need to pay for our rent, the bills and my children's needs, yes, I gave birth to another baby boy around this time. My mother listed all our debts from her and I really wish we can pay her back someday. And since my mother’s brothers, all five of them were all seamen; not to mention that they hold high positions now, my husband together with my mother and one of her brothers, gathered up their courage and asked help from the eldest brother who holds the highest position amongst all the siblings to get Flory a job, anything which can help him start his seaman career. He took Flory's documents and went to Greece to personally talk to the officials there just to get Flory a chance. After a while a position opened for Flory and he was finally given a flight schedule. This time I resigned from my graveyard shift work, and I now became a full time housewife. But since I can’t help myself from working, I get online jobs once in a while and get paid a little.
Well, this is a bit long for something entitled "A glance in my life". I actually wrote a story based on this and hopefully someday it will get published but for now I just book bind all my stories and my poems. Hope you enjoyed reading this and I also hope you have learned something out of this because I did learn a lot. Thanks for your time. 06/04/2010 5:09AM
Clenches onto any surface with a tight unremovable grip.
Since we bought our own house (we were renting since we moved to La Union by the way) and we’re moving to Dasmariñas, Cavite, I decided to enroll myself at De La Salle University Dasma. Even though my uncle tried to get me an application at PLM (Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila) back in Intramuros with his chosen course for me, Architecture (Like hello?! I despised math all my life!) I was not serious about it. Anyway, I just took the entrance exam there just to say that I took the exam already, I have a cold back then that I don't care whether I was conscious of what I was doing or not. I didn't check the results as well, I already have the feeling that I didn't pass, like I intended to pass that in the first place. So going back to my own choice of university, I did my best to pass the exam and I was overwhelmed when I got the acceptance letter from them. However, they don't have fine arts or anything that will help me improve my talent in drawing. So I thought, I'll just get a course without any math subjects in it, so I thought to get AB Psychology, and I thought as well that it deals with the paranormal that I'm also interested about. But when the school started, all my hopes were all drained in an instant, T_T. On our first sem we have College Algebra which is a prerequisite of Elementary Statistics which is a prerequisite of my major Behavioral Statistics. Then about paranormal thingy, not a pinch about it was discussed during my four years of studying there, LOL. Alright, I know, I'm an idiot, LOL. But I got through those four years without any fail subjects even math! LOL. So I guess it was all good.
So moving on, after graduation my father took me to Thailand and worked with him as a Footwear Designer, LOL, waaaay too far from my graduate course, right? But since I got so homesick and my father can’t deal with me, we went back home and he left me behind and somehow shattered his dream for me to follow his footsteps. During this time I met my now husband, Florencio Marasigan II. He was staying at the house in front of us, the house of her eldest sister, since he’s working as an Assistant Supervisor in a restaurant in Malate, Manila. Their parents live in Tagaytay, a place where I dreamed to live at in the future back then. My mother was very fond of him that he’s allowed to stay overnight at our place and during this time our relationship deepened. When we were invited to one of his sister’s birthday party held in their home residence, Tagaytay, mother saw what kind of life they have. His parents get their living from growing crops and selling them at a market nearby. Their actual house is half unfinished, meaning it’s not yet done, like hollow blocks walls, roof without a ceiling and floor without tiles. They also have a small cottage down the side of the mountain, yes, tagaytay is actually a high place, ranges of mountains surrounding the inactive Taal Volcano, so houses are usually built along the steep side of the mountains but there are residences which are built in plains thanks to the developers. Well since my mother knows about their background already, she began to put a distance in between our relationship. When something happened between us, you know what lovers do, Flory (his nickname and that’s what I call him) told my mom about it thinking that it will be alright no matter how I oppose. But since then my life became hell because my mother got mad at me. I can’t go out my room to eat, I enjoy myself with some biscuits I stock inside my room, I just sneak out from time to time to get water, to use the bathroom but whenever I get caught by my mother, I get atleast four hours of repeated scolding and swear words from her. It was really entirely my fault but I can never get my life back to the way it was and I thought that no one can really help me because even though Flory's sisters came to my rescue, my mother would be nice in front of them but when they're gone already, it's just back to the hell it was. After a lot happened, I’m at my limit already, my mother even thought I was pregnant and took me to the hospital to get a check up and to get an abortion too but the doctor said it was too early to know yet. When I got my period I was relieved and unhappy about it as well. When everything is just too much for me I secretly emailed my father who was working in China that time and told him what was going on inside the house. So when he returned he took me with him back to China and I left Flory even though I didn't like to leave. After a while I found out that it was really a plan to separate us two. After a few months, I persistently asked my father to let me go home, since I can’t get a job in China anyway, though that’s not the main reason. The actual reason is my mother is bugging Flory with threatening text messages trying to make him break up with me, saying that I will not have a bright future with him and that he should forget about me. I was upset when I learned about that from the email I received from Flory thru his sister's email address. I was stubborn that time so when I got back I planned not to go home anymore instead I told Flory to come pick me up at the airport. In simple terms, we eloped and I made my parents infuriated, in a level you can’t even imagine. I was only left with a few clothes since my mother came to take almost all my baggages, even the things I bought for Flory were all taken, that was a terrible night and I learned that my father was even hospitalized because of what I did. I realized the big difference between my status with Flory's. I no longer have a car, I can't eat when I want to, I can't buy anything that I want, in short, I've become poor and deprived of materials things that I used to have. I even heard that my mother has given away my things at home and also sold the car I used to drive. I finally understood the hardships of life that I never experienced living with my parents. Reflecting on that now, obviously I was at the wrong side. But I also wished that I could've talked to my mother about my relationship with Flory maturely instead of avoiding her. Maybe I can still be able to fulfill their expectations from me while keeping my relationship with Flory. But I guess all that's left were regrets and whenever I recall this major turning point in my life, my chest hurts and I burst into tears.
After about 2 years living with my live-in partner Flory, my father managed to reconcile us with my mother after secretly meeting with him several times before, I’m a daddy’s girl I guess, LOL, love you Pa! I finally got into good terms with my mom and she looked for a place for us to stay back in Dasmariñas when our relationship with Flory’s family was not going well anymore. So we moved back to Dasmariñas, near my parent’s place. My mother even bought us things like kitchen wares, grocery, even an aircon and a lot more, since we really don’t own anything. I already have my first child that time and plus it’s a boy, my parents didn’t have any boys, the three of us were all girls, I’m the eldest. I guess my mother was really fond of her white skinned good looking grandson that I can finally talk to her casually like before, ^_^. But what I did is still something that she won't forget. When I returned to my parents house, I noticed there were no pictures of myself already. I can find some of my things, but my sisters kept them inside their room as if they own them. My mother kept my class cards in college and TOR inside her locked closet because she thought I could never get a job without those, because she doesn't want Flory's family to take advantage of me. I also dealt with my sister, the 2nd, next to me. She's still mad at me at first but my mother reconciled us after a while.
Since the construction job that Flory has is not enough to support our family, I convinced him to let me work in his stead. So I began working in a call center in Alabang. I took care of all the requirements myself, renewing my NBI, getting SSS, and visiting my university to get another copy of my TOR. I started working as an agent then luckily was promoted to a Team Leader afterwards. I worked in the call center industry for almost 6 years, from three different BPO companies. During this time, my husband started training in TESDA taking up welding courses but not long after he took up courses for seaman. The financing came from my mother, well most of it, since I can't fully support him because I also need to pay for our rent, the bills and my children's needs, yes, I gave birth to another baby boy around this time. My mother listed all our debts from her and I really wish we can pay her back someday. And since my mother’s brothers, all five of them were all seamen; not to mention that they hold high positions now, my husband together with my mother and one of her brothers, gathered up their courage and asked help from the eldest brother who holds the highest position amongst all the siblings to get Flory a job, anything which can help him start his seaman career. He took Flory's documents and went to Greece to personally talk to the officials there just to get Flory a chance. After a while a position opened for Flory and he was finally given a flight schedule. This time I resigned from my graveyard shift work, and I now became a full time housewife. But since I can’t help myself from working, I get online jobs once in a while and get paid a little.
Well, this is a bit long for something entitled "A glance in my life". I actually wrote a story based on this and hopefully someday it will get published but for now I just book bind all my stories and my poems. Hope you enjoyed reading this and I also hope you have learned something out of this because I did learn a lot. Thanks for your time. 06/04/2010 5:09AM
Clenches onto any surface with a tight unremovable grip.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Balancing my place
It has been 7 years since I did that major change in my life. I chose a guy I haven't known for a year over my family and eloped with him when I was just starting to fulfill my dreams for myself and my family. I can't blame my parents for their outrage that time since what I did was really unforgivable. However, I thank God with all my life that now everything's back to the way it was somehow. But I can't help being conscious of myself in front of them. I always watch out for my actions, the words I say to them when we're having conversations and at the same time, I'm also conscious of what they say to me even if they are just a joke. Even though I had what I can call a career back when I was working, still, that is not enough to pull myself back up to where I was before. I refuse to believe that it's already late for my parents to be proud of me once again. But sometimes this personality of mine puts more pressure to my man adding to what is already burdening him. He knows that I am a dreamer, always making plans and gets extremely depressed when things are not what I want to be. Still, I am happy to have someone to share my dreams with, knowing that he will be there when I cry, knowing that I can cry and whine taking advantage of his kindness. In front of my family, I can never be myself eversince before. I felt empty and unconsciously looking for someone to comfort me even though most of the time I pretend to be cold. I have learned that there's no way I can be myself in front of them.
Though my life now is not what I dreamed to be, I'm already happy of what it is now. I have learned how to appreciate the things I had before and the things I have now. I am seeing life in a new point of view. Eventhough I am conscious in front of them, I can say that I am just being careful. I don't want to hurt them again that I acknowledge every trials as my punishment. But there's still something in me pushing me to still reach for new heights for my own family but actually, the major reason is, for them to be proud of me once again.
Convict an anodyne with passion.
Though my life now is not what I dreamed to be, I'm already happy of what it is now. I have learned how to appreciate the things I had before and the things I have now. I am seeing life in a new point of view. Eventhough I am conscious in front of them, I can say that I am just being careful. I don't want to hurt them again that I acknowledge every trials as my punishment. But there's still something in me pushing me to still reach for new heights for my own family but actually, the major reason is, for them to be proud of me once again.
Convict an anodyne with passion.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Clear as water
In the past, I always thought I have no time left to waste so I have to do the things I always plan to do. I always have plans, like what should I do after I graduate and so on. In all those plans having a family of my own never crossed my mind. However, due to some turn out of events I now have two kids and a husband. I don't really blame it on anyone but myself, since I was overwhelmed with something really new to me that time and never thought that I'll be drowned in it and never been able to pull myself back up again. Eventhough I sound depressed over this reality, I am happy. I may not have the kind of freedom I planned before but where I am now is not at all bad and could be far better than where I was before. I am happy because the feeling of emptiness has been filled inside me without me doing anything since someone filled it up for me. No matter how many trials may befall on us, we undergone each and everything and be even thankful since those just made us tougher and stronger.
Doesn't euphonious remind you of an attachment
Doesn't euphonious remind you of an attachment
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