It has been 7 years since I did that major change in my life. I chose a guy I haven't known for a year over my family and eloped with him when I was just starting to fulfill my dreams for myself and my family. I can't blame my parents for their outrage that time since what I did was really unforgivable. However, I thank God with all my life that now everything's back to the way it was somehow. But I can't help being conscious of myself in front of them. I always watch out for my actions, the words I say to them when we're having conversations and at the same time, I'm also conscious of what they say to me even if they are just a joke. Even though I had what I can call a career back when I was working, still, that is not enough to pull myself back up to where I was before. I refuse to believe that it's already late for my parents to be proud of me once again. But sometimes this personality of mine puts more pressure to my man adding to what is already burdening him. He knows that I am a dreamer, always making plans and gets extremely depressed when things are not what I want to be. Still, I am happy to have someone to share my dreams with, knowing that he will be there when I cry, knowing that I can cry and whine taking advantage of his kindness. In front of my family, I can never be myself eversince before. I felt empty and unconsciously looking for someone to comfort me even though most of the time I pretend to be cold. I have learned that there's no way I can be myself in front of them.
Though my life now is not what I dreamed to be, I'm already happy of what it is now. I have learned how to appreciate the things I had before and the things I have now. I am seeing life in a new point of view. Eventhough I am conscious in front of them, I can say that I am just being careful. I don't want to hurt them again that I acknowledge every trials as my punishment. But there's still something in me pushing me to still reach for new heights for my own family but actually, the major reason is, for them to be proud of me once again.
Convict an anodyne with passion.
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